HOT SUMMER IN THE CITY

Posted 05.19.08. 10:42 PM

It was a hot one in Los Angeles this weekend - in temperature and Hancock activity. It's like Hancock doesn't have AC at his place, since he was flying all over town, blowing up mighty winds from Santa Monica to Pasadena. And as always with the warm weather, crime rises... as does Hancock's response. Here's a list of some of the highlights:

• Saturday morning he rescued an injured hiker in Topanga Canyon. His landing spot will now be known as the Hancock Crater, and that particular trail is going to have to be rerouted around the five foot deep hole.
• Saturday afternoon he foiled a hijacking at LAX. Thankful passengers had to wait for a later flight, since you just can't take off in a 747 that has been ripped in half.
• Saturday night he put out a raging apartment fire using the water from a nearby waterpark. All of it. In other news, White Water Fun Park in Culver City is closed for the foreseeable future.
• Sunday morning he stopped a robbery, a carjacking and broke up a couple of drug deals. Nobody was hurt, nothing was broken. Is this Hancock's evil twin at work?
• After a hard weekend, Hancock took Sunday afternoon off and hit the beach at Malibu, where he was spotted doing belly flops... from six thousand feet. This created a monsoon-like condition on the otherwise sunny beach, forcing a couple of shops and vendors to close up very, very early.

IT'S RAINING BENJAMINS

Posted 05.07.08. 11:12 AM

I got an email from the police this morning! No, it wasn't about my parking tickets (seriously, is there a curb in this town that isn't painted red?) but about that incident with Hancock last week - the one with the armored car. Here's what the coppers had to say:

"This is Detective Monroe, and I just wanted to contact you in hopes that you will get the word out to your readers about the armored car robbery incident on Wilshire last week. As you know, the vigilante known as 'Hancock' inserted himself into a police situation, and the results were three suspects hospitalized and the armored car rendered completely inoperable due to having been peeled apart. During the melee between 'Hancock' and the suspects, who were inside the armored car, approximately two hundred thousand dollars in small bills was lost. Multiple eyewitnesses and cameras caught persons in the crowd scrambling to pick up bills as they were blown out of the armored car. These people should know that this is a criminal offense, but that the police are willing to let it go if they return the money to their nearest precinct house. Approximately fourteen different cameras caught this action from multiple angles, and we will be analyzing the tape to identify as many of the people who absconded with illicit money as possible.

Thank you for your time."

You heard the man, people. Turn that money in!